Some people just "do" Xmas, some people just let it happen. Not you, not us. Xmas is about fulfillment, and no one can be fulfilled without a thorough knowledge of what one is going through. This is why the brave LeS dOiGtS bLeUs team decided to provide you with key facts on Xmas.
Why did we name this page the Xmas Extravaganza?
Well, would you have clicked on the link if we had called it boredom's hall of fame or the mind-numbing Xmas page?
Now that you're here, there's no going back. Read the page.
You know you want to.
You will not regret it.
Everything will be all right.
Be safe, be happy and have a merry Xmas!
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What does the X in Xmas stand for?
We have received a lot of mail from people asking us if the X in Xmas implied that this holiday was more sexual than others. The answer is yes. Xmas is in fact the most sexual holiday of all.
According to the legend, some famous baby boy was born on Xmas day a couple of millenia ago. The baby was sweet and cuddly. He had a very cute Mexican name (which we will not reveal here in order to protect the baby's privacy).
A baby's birth is a double evokation of sex. First because in order to make a baby, one usually needs to have sex. Second because a baby gets born by crawling out of his/her mother's choo-cha... which is Ghetto-Spanish for a lady's special crotchy place.
In the case of this famous baby, the mother allegedly got pregnant without having any intercourse... but then again, this is what most knocked-up teenagers claim.
Why do people kill turkeys on Xmas?
People are evil. They will kill anything. And not just on Xmas.
This answer might sound a bit pessimistic but that is how things are. On Xmas eve 1983, Steven Johanson, a dyslexic father from Alabama who had misread the recipe in chapter 12 of the bible took a plane to Istanbul in order to kill Turkey. Fortunately for everyone, he was arrested at the airport for wearing a NY Yankees cap and sent back to America right away.
Is Xmas celebrated on other planets than earth?
Yes. Xmas is very popular on Szarto, in the Polex system, and also in the Caroocha galaxy.
Kranians used to celebrate it as well but they have abandoned it to focus on Halloween since 1954.
Does Santa Claus really exist?
Yes he does. But he's a lazy bastard. He's been retired for almost three centuries now. That is why parents have to do all the work themselves. If you want to send a complaint to Santa, don't hesitate: santa_sweet16_stud@yahoo.com.nr.
Who is Parson Brown?
In the well-known Xmas song "Winter Wonderland", the lyrics mention a certain Parson Brown ("In the meadow we can build a snowman, then pretend that he is Parson Brown. He'll say 'Are you married ?', we'll say 'No man, but you can do the job when you're in town' ").
Parsons are protestant ministers. In the period when this song was written, parsons often travelled among small towns of rural America performing wedding ceremonies. Therefore the song means that the next time Parson Brown would be in town, he would be able to marry the snowman-building kids.
Most anglophones throughout the world have heard of Parson Brown, but very few of them know how visionary the lyrics of the song were. Indeed in 1994, an experiment made by a team of researchers based in Anchorage, Alaska, created the first snowman capable of thinking and communicating. They called him Parson, as a tribute to the song's famous character. This major step forward in the field of artificial intelligence could soon be followed by others, eventually opening the possibility to couples of exchanging vows in front of ministers made of snow. Representatives of several major religions have already manifested their interest in such a technology.
How come there is not such a thing as a Zmas?
Actually there is. It is a popular ceremony that celebrates the birth of the antichrist, a little boy whose goal in life (like most other little boys) is to get everybody's attention and bring chaos to the world.
